It ends with values, but to me values we hold are at the core of the emotions we feel. Wonderful article! Thank you once again Nick. I further suspect Nick Wignall is just a name for a consortium of shrink types expecting to make bucks off the internet.
All that is cool and OK as long as it helps and I suspect that it can. I appreciate that you emphasize teaching kids skills. My Social Skills curriculum was ever evolving and I was the therapist too. Amazingly insightful. I really like the attempt to look at these negative emotions objectively. But of course the two are linked, so to try to understand them objectively in the moment is a constant struggle yet very important.
I just bookmarked this article — because I need to reread it again and again the the upcoming weeks. Going through a rough time and I am going to need to reread this for clarity and designate it as a road map to where I need to be again. I have loved this article, it motivating , mind opening , and I will use it share with my clients who seem to be struggling with unexplained or silent negative emotions. Nick — I truly look forward to your articles each week and we incorporate many of your points into emotional intelligence training for teenagers that we do as part of Ignite MindShift.
This is excellent advice presented in a clear, concise manner. Thank you for all you do! This was really helpful, you were really assertive on many things.
I really want to be emotionally stronger, my journey starts now. Thank you, I really needed this today. Do you ever wish you could be more emotionally strong? Do you ever feel like your emotions are all over the place? Or like your moods ping-pong around erratically and unpredictably?
Do you ever wish you could feel a little less at the mercy of external events—able to stay cool and keep your calm no matter what was happening? What follows are 7 skills you can learn that will help you to become more emotionally strong. Your mind and body will thank you. Some of the absolute worst habits to kick include:. If you fuck up or something goes wrong, do you play the blame game? Or do you take responsibility for what happened? For example, if your girlfriend gets upset with you often about a certain thing you do — for instance, not being thoughtful — and you find yourself blaming her for starting a fight and making you feel bad, try thinking about it from her perspective.
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Remember that you are in control. Strength implies having power and being able to change your own life, while weakness implies being powerless and helpless.
Whatever your circumstances, there are things you can control, and things you can't. The key is to focus on the things you can control. Make a list of what is troubling you, then make a list of what you can do to make each situation better. Accept the items on the first list they are what they are and focus your energy on the second list.
In studies of people with a high Adversity Quotient AQ , it's observed that resilient people not only always find some aspect of a situation that they can control, but also feel responsible for taking action to fix the situation, even if their hardship was caused by someone else. Those with a low AQ, however, ignore opportunities to take action and deflect accountability, presuming that because they didn't create the situation, they should not be the ones to fix it.
Choose your attitude. Sometimes, we encounter situations in which we really are helpless to enact change. Even though these times are trying, you can still be in control because no matter what, you can always control your attitude towards life.
As Victor Frankl put it: "We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread.
They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. If somebody is making your life miserable, don't let them crush your spirit. Continue to be proud , have hope , and remember that attitude is something that no one can take away from you. Try not to let a crisis or hardship in one area of your life spill over into other areas of your life.
If you're facing great difficulty with work, for instance, don't behave irritably towards your significant other when they've done nothing but try to help. Eliminate the side effects of your hardship by controlling your own attitude.
Resilient people do not turn every setback into a catastrophe, nor do they let negative events follow a domino effect through their lives.
Rediscover your zest for life. Emotionally strong people view each and every day as a gift. They try to structure them so that the gift is taken advantage of fully.
Remember when you were a child and could get excited by the simplest wonders of life — playing with leaves in the fall, drawing a make-believe animal, eating a s'more? Find that inner child. Be that inner child. Your ability to be mentally and emotionally strong depends on it. Go to source. Have faith in yourself. You've made it this far. You can make it through just one more day. And if you take it just one day at a time, or even one moment at a time, you can survive whatever you're going through.
It won't be easy, and you're not invincible, so take baby steps. When you feel like you're about to fall apart, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Remember these things in your quest: Don't listen to the naysayers. There will always be people who doubt you, for whatever reason.
Your job is to not listen to them and, ultimately, to prove them wrong. Don't let them take hope away from you just because they've lost theirs. The world is practically begging you to transform it. What are you waiting for? Think about the times that you've succeeded. Use them as motivation in your journey.
Whether it's that classroom assignment you aced, that person you talked to, or the birth of your child, let it feed your desire to be a stronger, more adjusted person.
Like begets like! Try, try, and try again. There will come a time when you doubt yourself because you tried and failed.
But failure is part of success, and everyone fails sometimes. Look up famous people who have failed multiple times before accomplishing their goals to help you get inspired. Pick your battles wisely. Does every little thing that exasperates you — a colleague asking a question, a driver cutting you off — need to? Ask yourself why and whether these things matter. Focus your energy on the present moment; don't lose what is right before you. When you focus on the moment you come to realize where you have the most power to make things right.
Embrace adversity. Mental strength gives us the ability to see the obstacles in our path as stepping stones. When we encounter struggle, and we all do, we can be inspired by the knowledge that it's not a dead end but a path to deeper knowledge and understanding. Exercise your mind. Just like your muscles, your mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. Growth and development take consistent work, and if you have not pushed yourself recently, you might not be growing as much as you can.
Mental strength is built through lots of small wins, maintained through the choices we make every day. To gain stamina, take on a daily task that stretches your mental endurance. Challenge yourself. Albert Einstein once said, "One should not pursue goals that are easily achieved.
One must develop an instinct for what one can just barely achieve through one's greatest efforts. When you believe in yourself and your abilities, you often can go beyond the imaginable. Respond positively. You cannot control everything that comes your way, but you are in absolute control of how you react to everything that comes your way.
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